Muscles and mind

Writing these posts has made me think back and remember things I had completely forgot about. One such thing was my sessions with physicaltherapy during the period I was at home from school. The idea is that your state of mind affects you physically and vice versa. I didn't have anything to lose so I just went with it and see what it was all about. 

My anxiety during this time was quite high and it made me quite tense. The brain told my muscles to be on alert mode in case an imaginery threat appeared. Each session started with the physicaltherapist (pt) made me stand on the floor with my bare feet. Didn't have to do anything, just standing there to get in contact with the floor. It was cold but not too cold. I'd stand the way I thought was natural and see myself in a mirror, before trying to relax in my neck, shoulders and feet. Feeling and seeing the difference was vast, and weird. Relaxing felt silly and it gave me a bad posture. Or so I at least thought, but it was the depression and low self esteem that were talking. The difference between hearing and to listen is also present here. You need to get in touch with your body and how it feels.

These sessions were more massage than physicaltherapy, at least from my point of view. The pt massaged my tense muscles, especially in my neck. She could pinch me as hard as she could and I wouldn't say anything. I could definitely feel it but I was somehow made not to. It might have been that I didn't want to bother or I didn't want to appear weak. How to describe this feeling is difficult. I guess it felt like regular pain before turning into a sensation of heat or warmth.  This became a routine for every session and muscle she massaged. The pinching was to make me exhale and relax my muscles, I guess, as I'd lay still, holding my breath a bit and simply became a reciever of the pain. Same result when pinching the back of my leg; I didn't say a word or move. She had to ask me if I felt any pain and I confirmed again. Simple stretching was part of the routine, which I didn't mind at all. Arms as well as feet got massaged and stretched, helped me relax and take more deep breaths.

These sessions made me really exhausted and tired eventhough I didn't exercise in any way. The regular sessions with a psychologist have always made me tired, too. My guess is that you have to use your mind in a way you don't use very often, or maybe one distances oneself from on purpose. Our society makes us rush and stress about all day. We rarely stop to listen, observe and feel how it is to live. Hiking alone in the woods can make you use your senses; what do you smell, listen to the birds, watch the nature and think what a fantastic achievement you are, just because you are you. And don't let a schedule dictate how you're feeling.

Please remember that ""[y]ou are enough. You are so enough, it's unbelievable how enough you are. "