Honesty

Being open and honest to friends about your problems is difficult. How does one come to terms with oneself, then? Admitting that you have a problem is a cliché indeed, yet so true. I wouldn't say that I've been in complete denial about my problems but not completely honest, either. A life is as complicated as it is long and therefore some things are easier to be at ease with.

It's a bit confusing looking back 10-15 years. My periods where the panic attacks were easy in the way that I knew that something wasn't right. Finding out what and why were different matters, though. I really want to call the anxiety and panick attacks problems of a more practical nature than the depression even though it might be wrong in the field of study. Panick attacks occur because you think or associate a place, activity, smell, sound etc. with the unpleasant. You've come a long way already by knowing this. Now you can ask yourself why this happens, and if it makes any sense. Putting an irrational thought to the test tones down the credibility of the thought, making it weaker and weaker each time. I've also learned that you can acknowledge the thought you have in your head. Not acknowledging the thought itself but rather that you are thinking, or feeling for that matter, whatever that makes you uncomfortable. Everybody is different and I don't have the ultimate solution. If I did, I'd use it myself.

Depression and social behaviour on the other hand, do I find more difficult to explain and adjust. The heading says "honesty". Well, I know for a fact that it is easy to excuse a certain type of behaviour despite the fact that it might be completely irrational. One example I've previously used is my tendency to meet far too early at meetings or appointments. The excuse I've told myself is that I don't like to be late, which is true. There is still a difference between arriving a few minutes early and half a hour. My social anxiety tries to give reason for the behaviour although it does not make any sense. In my case, I didn't have the ability to question what I was doing. It wasn't untill I got asked about it during group sessions that I got an epiphany.  Anxiety kept coming if I didn't was early, and therefore I started to plan and calculate excessively. 

Please remember that ""[y]ou are enough. You are so enough, it's unbelievable how enough you are. "