Things are happening.

Ever experienced a moment where you have to react quickly but it feels like time is moving in slow motion? That's how it feels like nowadays, anyway. Since last entry I've travelled by myself to a concert in Oslo, worked a lot and got a new job! I had a good feeling after the first interview, or I'd rather say not a bad feeling. Which is good in itself, right? So after I got back from Oslo they wanted me to come back from a second interview. Maybe I did make a good impression after all.

It really feels awkward listening to a person you don't know complementing you. The woman who did the interview said I am able to reflect about myself and trustworthy. Other people say that, too, still I am thinking "you sure you're speaking about me?" None the less, it's good that other people say it rather than me claiming it to be the truth. 

This job is something I need to do for myself. Dare to fail, right? It's something I thought I've lived by yet up until now everything has been safe. Whatever the result may turn out to be, it's something I have to do. Slowly my mind is realizing that I have less than a week left. Well, I decided to have my vacation way before I got the job so coincidentally my vacation is at the same time as my four weeks notice. I'm leaving familiar faces, familiar tasks in favour of a situation where everything is new. Maybe that's a good thing, though. The feeling of being stuck has been looming for the past year. Now I can progress in life, as well as in a work situation.

Two shifts left. The sentimental me is often taking charge of my thoughts, leaving me with thoughts like "this might be the last time I do this". So it's a bit sad to leave, of course. If I hadn't been sad it would've meant that I didn't like my job. But I do. How things turn out is much up to me. I need to find whatever I did when I was new in the present job, and that's not an easy task. After all, I was at a completely different place than where I am now. Furthermore, if you're not present and aware of your actions you might not realize what works out in the end.

Stuck in a moment

... that you can't get out of? I know the feeling. I am a person who cherish my daily routines, wether they're good or bad. Routines help me structure a day and sort of prepare myself. One example is that I need to go outside to get some food and I know myself well enough to know I'll only delay it unless I don't set a time in advance for any chores to be done. But how do routines that might seem positive actually prevent any progression?

Becoming dependent of any strategy to cope with the daily life isn't all good. What you end up with is that you are anxious of having an anxiety attack. So you keep the symptoms in control but not the actual reasons behind them.

I'm trying to admit that I need change, that change in itself is good. Take work, for example. The other day came an e-mail where a company invited me to an interview for a position. The job is sort of relatable to what I do and at the same time not. What will I do if I'm offered the job? Making a desicision is difficult because I quickly feel uneasy at the thought of doing something I don't know anything about. Maybe that's reason enough to do to exactly that, in general and not just about this job interview. Finding new inspirations and environments will make my brain to actively think again instead of going on this neverending autopilot. Additionaly, I always try to keep myself in the "safe surroundings" and not doing what might be good for me. Think what I'm trying to say is that one needs to be selfish in ones own life. You shouldn't take anyone other into consideration if your own happiness is at stake.

D-day

D-day. Operation Overlord. June 6th is a date of reflection. 156 000 allied soldiers from countries including USA, Canada, Great Britain, France and also Norway made history on this day 72 years ago. Pushing back the occupying forces, holding the area to establish a front to continue the fight was vital. These men are from what is often referred to as the greatest generation, willing to make the ultimate sacrifice. Death was looking right at them, wether they were on the boats, waiting for the gangway to be lowered or standing at the door, ready to jump out of a plane. Volunteering for such a task when you're maybe not even 20 years old takes an incredible amount of bravery. 

I can only imagine what each of them could've been thinking. Furthermore, I can't see myself doing the same thing. Maybe the men back then had a different mindset feeling obligated to partake in the biggest invasion ever. The answer to if I'd do what they did might not be answered. Sometimes you step up and do what's expected of you, regardless of your initial point of view.

A peaceful Europe allows me to think about my own ordeals and my own battles. When fighting a mental issue, each day is a battle of its own. I'm not saying that its precisely as fighting an occupying force, because it's not. But we have to consider what it feels like to anyone who's dealing with it. For some, it takes a big amount of bravery to even be out in public. So my main question is, how do we define bravery? Do we have to jump out of a plane to be brave? Bravery is, in my opinion, relative to the past and the current situation to every one of us. Therefore we should encourage and back up people who are willing to face their inner enemies, regardless of how small or insignificant it is to ourselves.