Valentine's Day?

It appears to me that the world is getting smaller in size as the size of the Internet increases, shortening distances between poeple as well as exchange of ideas. Ever since the TV became more or less a standard item in a household we've become receievers of impulses coming from abroad. American traditions are well known through the endless numbers of TV-shows. Kids these days go out on Halloween,  for example, which wasn't even thought of when I was younger. Adults now even celebrate Valentine's Day. I find the concept of Valentine's Day a bit strange, to be honest. Why would you need a day marked in the calendar to do something nice for your significant other? Going through the effort of planning in advance is nice and all, but the spontanity is all gone. One would assume that a surprise would be more appreciated but that might just be me.

I think we're told quite early on what it means to be successfull in life: you need an education, wife and kids, home and a car. Pet might still be optional, haven't checked lately. Magazines. websites and newspapers bombard us with articles. I need to catch up on the whole relationship issue if I were to follow the timeline suggested by bystanders. This goes back to my fear of ending up alone.

Speaking to my therapist about this was difficult, finding someone should be instinctive to the human kind and failing to do so is very humiliating. You start to question yourself about your appearance and character. Comparing to the dog chasing its tail isn't far fetched. It chases its tail, but what if he catches it? A whole new set of experiences pops up. That's how I am with the idea of a relationship.I want one yet I'm scared of it as I don't know what to do. The only one I had ended about six months ago and lasted almost a year, so that's at least something. It's so easy to doubt yourself. "Why would anyone want to be with you", is a typical thought. My therapist had a theory saying that I had been much by myself in my childhood, more or less lonely without maybe realizing it. The constant need or reassurance has always been around even if I didn't believe what was being said. I just needed the attention.

Back at my therapist, we tried to lower the importance of a relationship. Why was I in such a hurry? Because most of my friends are in a relationship. I've felt the need to prove that I'm not going to be a loner all my life since eventhough I have friends, I'm still much alone and lonely. So, why does it matter? It doesn't, really. I don't need to be married when turning 30, and honestly I don't see it as a probable event either. This turned into something really messy and unstructured. Small bits and threads about everything and nothing because of thinking about one thing leading to a different thing.