Time, what is time?

I'm not trying to go completely philosophical but it sometimes is unavoidable. Time has fascinated me a long time. Ask a physicist and he/she will give a definite answer, which I won't disagree with. But I feel it's a bit more complicated than that. Over the ten years or so, the relativity of time is so connected to how you're feeling and what you're doing. 

Time can move so slowly on bad days. Some days are spent watching to clock, waiting for when it's time to sleep. Meanwhile you don't do anything; the world outside is doing its daily thing. The result is that you feel even more alone. Knowing how long a tv-show lasts is the only way of noticing that time actually passes. Food? No need for that, it can always be taken care of later. That is untill its too late for making anything. I don't know why its too late, though. For some reason making food in the evening is difficult. Maybe its from when I lived at a dorm and didn't want to bother anyone.

Then you've got the speed of time when you're in the waiting room before your session. It feels like you're waiting forever and you can't wait to get it started despite that you'll be talking about difficult subjects. The hour during session on the other hand, flies in an amazing speed. 45 minutes feel like maybe five, so I'm sure to say that I've had good use of them. Many things have been discussed, and maybe I felt the need to talk as I really couldn't discuss different things.

I think many struggling with anxiety focuses on time during bad times. If you have to do something at a certain time of the day, you look at the clock and realize that you can't call it off. Again with me and my travelling. I know when I need to go to the buss to get to the airport in time. I've checked the bus routes more than twice. My anxiety doesn't get any less untill I actually start my journey and being productive. The waiting unleashes a cascade of anxiety attacks. And now, you want the time to pass as fast as possible eventhough it feels as if it does a complete standstill.

I don't know where I want to go with this. You might say it's just to pass some time. Being depressed and spending a lot of time at home alone is similar to cabin fever. Enjoying a hobby is difficult, for example. Or you can't do anything else one day if you have an errand that takes less than ten minutes. That day is full, not up for discussion. It's a bit weird that I usually spend the rest of the day doing nothing, most likely watching tv or reading online yet I could've done plenty of things and still have time to watch tv.