Lonelyness, whose responsibility?

Social media is supposed to bring us closer to eachother, making it easier to stay in touch. The irony, which has been pointed out several times, is that it does the opposite. I don't feel less lonely because I use them, quite the contrary. You update the page several times during the day to see if you've missed something, but in reality it just shows you that you're standing on the sideline.

Today's May 17th, a very special day here where you spend time among friends. Spending five hours by myself among thousands of other people made me think. I've got 289 friends on Facebook, non-Norwegians included. There are plenty of people that I regard as very good friends. Yet still, I feel lonely. The diagnosis I'm given is

Anxious [avoidant] personality disorder: Personality disorder characterized by feelings of tension and apprehension, insecurity and inferiority. There is a continuous yearning to be liked and accepted, a hypersensitivity to rejection and criticism with restricted personal attachments, and a tendency to avoid certain activities by habitual exaggeration of the potential dangers or risks in everyday situations.

People who know me will probably say that's me, totally spot-on. So my brain is somehow at fault for my own lonelyness. My fear of rejection stops me from taking an initiative to a social event. When I do, I rarely ask specific people for a specific thing. The best effort I'm able to do now is to voice a yearning which never gets settled.

Who is to blame? Am I to blame for my own lonelyness? I don't want to be lonely, missing out on what's going on in the world while I'm inside. It saddens me to see photos of what my friends are doing. I'm afraid to be seen as needy or lonely by constantly asking. That's weird, right? I don't want to be looked upon as lonely and that's keeping me from from socializing.  Nor am I saying my friends are responsible for me being lonely. It's not their job to pity or feel it's a necessity. I don't think there is a right or wrong answer here. It'll always come down to the eye of the beholder and his or her background. But we can all do something to prevent people, like me, from being lonely. Lonely people aren't lonely by choice but rather as a consequence from a social disability, not knowing how to be with people. Little things count just as much as any big thing. Just a hello or acknowledgement of your existence to show you're not forgotten brightens up any day.