How are you today?

My therapist always asked me this at the start of every session, and in a way that it sounded genuine. I find it easier to open up when people actually care. Anyway, I usually had a standard answer: Indifferent. That's how I experience depression, with no real highs and no lows. Kind of like an emotional zombie, I guess. Breaking out of this state of mind is never easy with little to no external input. 

I remember that my sessions were rarely about how I felt right there and then but rather topic based. For all I know I might've written this before, so be gentle. Anyway, a social anxiety has made solutions on how not to get that anxiety. They're irrational, but still there. The prime example is that I always show up for appointments way too early with the reason that I don't like to be late. As much as I don't like to be late, it's more about keeping control. Knowing when I need to get dressed, which bus to take, take the bus and still have time in case something keeps me in control of my anxiety. Or is it vice versa? The anxiety, or rather the fear of feeling anxious, is what controls me. A situation like this has never been payed much attention to before up untill a different person, with the knowledge about this, started questioning all this. I don't have any formal knowledge but it sounds reasonable when explained. A rule of thumb that I learned was that if I couldn't explain properly why I did this and that, then I should just stop it. Didn't make sense. Anyway, It's been so long since I saw a therapist and therefore not easy remembering things. Group sessions are closer in time, making it easier to write a bit more about. I know I've mentioned it before but that might've been the first post or something. Plus I might remembe something else now that I've been doing this for a while.