Taking the first step

I remember some years ago a campaign was running on TV. Two men were sitting side by side, with the one had a t-shirt with "I'm struggling" printed on it while the other one had "I know you are" printed on his t-shirt. That is a classic stalemate and I've encountered it many times. Admitting to yourself that you're dealing with something is difficult enough, telling someone else can therefore be a daunting task. Words can't be retracted and the relation to the other person might not be the same again as you don't know how he or she will react.

Being the friend can't be that easy either; should you say something or shouldn't you? Taking that step gives you a position where you can help, and start a conversation about what the problem is. People tend to avoid bringing up this topic despite that they can do something for another one, in fear of bothering in one way or the other. I'm not sure if that's a typical Norwegian thing. Mental health is rarely talked about even among friends.

Being the person who struggles and finding it difficult being open about it, I have my own thoughts about this. Be the one taking the first step, and start the conversation. You're taking a huge weight off of the shoulders. It's also a kind of relief knowing that someone knows even if you haven't told them. Normally one would try to keep a mask to hide how you really feel. That mask can now be thrown in the garbage bin.

Don't worry about the friend might be upsed if you're asking or telling him that you know. My bet is that it is mostly the surprise of someone knowing that sets off a reaction, not that they're mad. Even so, sometimes you need to dare asking if you already know how the response might be. Mental health should never be underestimated. My own experiences also tell me that being direct gives direct answers. Using metaphores or sayings gives an opportunity to not give full answers, while not directly lying. You'd answer just enough so you think your friend will stop bothering you. So in short, friendship is kind of like marriage, in a way. There won't be just happy days. A good friendship will stand the test of times, though.