Stand behind yourself when nobody else is

So, back from a slight hiatus. I still find it hard to agree with myself wether that is a good thing or not. "They" say that no news is good news. I can understand one on the outside would say that, as he or she won't be updated and assumes they would be notified if there was any news. My reason for starting this is simply to lay all the cards on the table. Last couple of months have been exhausting, both physically and mentally. Furthermore I understand now the difficulty of doing what you say. For example, "those who never dare, never win". Mine has been "dare to fail" for many years. People fail at things all the time. The difference is how we handle it and use it.

I started in a new job a couple of months ago, in a field I've never worked in before. Working with field sale (knocking on peoples' homes) was entirely new for me. How difficult it was for me was apparent from the start but I didn't want to quit too easily. Initially I thought I needed some time to adapt before things turned for the better. Boy, was I wrong. 

Two months. For two months I walked from one door to the next, trying to succeed. How this affected me is not easy to understand unless one has been in a similar situation, maybe at school. Your whole existense disappears into a void of impulses. Spending two months coming home with a feeling of failure, letting people down. Not just myself but my bosses, coworkers, friends, family. I felt that I let down everyone who had faith in me and thought I could do this kind of work. An average day was getting up and ready for work, be at work, then come home and stay up late.

The short version is that I quit my job last Tuesday. Not only was the motivation completely gone but I just couldn't continue without a risk of burning out mentally. So do see this period as a failure? Not really. I probably would have if I had given up earlier. From my point of view I know myself much better now as a person. Aditionally, I actually dared to fail.  It's so easy to say such things when they don't matter because there are no consequences. One "fail" is one step closer to success.