Lonely?

When you're social life is a bit different there are many outcomes. It all comes down to how you choose to deal with the problem. Take me as an example; I have social anxiety and tendency to avoid crowds. The result is often that I feel lonely and less worth than other people. Many of my friends do know about my struggle with depression. How many do know that I feel lonely? Very few, I reckon. Now, feeling and being lonely aren't necessarily the same thing, but it's easy to think that especially when you have friends yet still don't meet them on your spare time. 

People might say that it's no more difficult than typing a text or making a call. I don't disagree but why am I different? From the moment I want to make contact with someone it can take several days before I actually go through with it. Days with stress, anxiety and wondering about the outcome. Earlier experiences with negative results act as foreshadowing and not knowing the result is often the most comfortable. Neither do I disturb anyone with a call.

Knowing that I'm creating all sorts of problems in my head is frustrating and a bit discouraging, to be honest. I understand that what I think is "normal" is actually wrong, therefore I must act opposite of what seems logical to prove my sense of logic actually is wrong. Furthermore, what stops me from being social also prevents me from telling how I feel. Telling people that you're lonely is so hard, because one would think that that should be a piece of cake, that you're a failure. Saying that, using your voice, often gives that thought credibility, more than if it's just a thought. 
Nor do I want to ask to join other people's plans. I only feel that I'm not wanted as I'm not asked in the first place.

Read the paragraph above again and see what's reoccuring. It's the usage of "feel". That's what all of this is about, feeling and thinking like this happens because of a malpractice by the brain. The reality is not like that, though. It's difficult to say that truth is objective as what we see as truth is coloured by our own subjective stands. The present plus the past tell us what we think we want to hear, confirming our negative theories. That doesn't mean the problems aren't real, though. Otherwise one would correct them without any help. And there is no shame in asking for help. I don't understand why the society is so competitive, strength is only shown when doing everything by yourself. Exposing your weakness is actually a show of strength.