Changing the past?

We all know that we should not look backwards but forwards. I like to use the train as a metaphor. When depressed you would rather sit with your back towards the direction in order to see where you have been, rather than looking forward to see where you might be. The interesting question is why we, or at least I, do it. Do we wish we could change the past? Or are we trying to analyze the chain of events that led up to the present day?

I think we humans tend to seek reliable answers no matter how difficult the question is. An answer in a chaotic world is assuring, comforting. Still, I think it's too easy to say that the result b is because of action a. Natural sciences can operate with such laws but there are so much that happens in our lifes outside of our control. At least I can't pinpoint a specific situation and say my depression and anxiety derived out of that. If I had the chance to go back and make a different choice, would I? Probably not. The alternative version is unknown and for all I know it could be worse. My depression has been an angel in disguise, sort of speak. I've met so many great people and done a whole lot I probably wouldn't have if I didn't retake my senior year at college. For all I know I might have not even lived here.

Don't get too comfy looking sitting against the train's direction, though. From my experience it is easy to become passive and an observer of your life, letting the train take you wherever it is going. You need to take control of that train and change course based on what you want to do. There is no right or wrong here; activities that give you happiness for a short while are just as important as keeping focus on your longterm goals. Again, use your fanclub for what it's worth. Sometimes you need to be pushed in the direction of fun.